Celebrating 30!


This past weekend was amazing. Doug and I went to Gatlinburg to celebrate my 30th birthday and he had several activities all planned out. Our first day started with a ropes course and rock climbing. I have never rock climbed before and Doug had never done a ropes course before so it was interesting to say the least. I only made it half way up the rock wall before my knees began to shake and I asked how I was supposed to get down. The guide nonchalantly told me all I had to do was lean backwards and walk down. WHAT?! At that point, I couldn’t go any higher. I could have gotten up there just fine but the coming down part…now that freaked me out. Doug was great though, he made it to the top and tried to encourage me to keep going but I just couldn’t do it. Then we made our way to the ropes course which was about 50 feet off the ground. For those of you who have never done this, I highly recommend it! It’s so challenging and very rewarding once you complete it. We both were pretty nervous at the beginning but we pushed each other through and by the end…we were pros. Doug had planned for us to go ice-skating and ride the sky lift. Both were a blast. The next day we went on a 6 mile horseback ride up the mountain in Gatlinburg and that was so fun! We laughed all weekend…really really laughed. Like tears falling down our face from happiness…not sadness for once. And for the first time, we didn’t feel guilty for this.


Doug and I really enjoyed doing some new things together. We really felt like it gave us a chance to reconnect. The past 3 and ½ months have been hard but we are pushing through. Any kind of loss challenges a marriage but losing a child is the ultimate test. Right after little Dougie died, Doug and I made a pact with each other that we would not let this tear us apart. It hasn’t been easy, there have been challenges but overall, we are surviving. And I would say not just surviving but thriving. We are connected, even closer than we were before and more importantly in tune with where we each are in this journey. It takes a lot of communicating and a lot of listening. We are handling things different and for us, that is ok.

I was supposed to be celebrating my 30th birthday with a baby in my arms, instead I carry him in my heart and tried to celebrate just like I know he would have wanted. Here’s to hoping my 30th year will be filled with love…however that may play out.



3 thoughts on “Celebrating 30!

  1. Happy birthday, Alex! I’m so happy you were able to get away and have a great time with your partner. You continue to be in my thoughts.

    Warmest Regards,

  2. My wishes for you in your 30th year . . . . prayers of hope, tears to cleanse, time to grieve, permission to heal, strength to go on, release of fear to love again, XXOO to you! Aunt P

  3. Hi, I’m Jo-Anne, Zia’s mum, she was born sleeping on 16 July 2013 and I too turned 30 on 21 March this year. I didn’t want to do anything so I didn’t. Spent the day at home with my hubby and son Brady. I missed Zia all day and didn’t have the energy to smile. I am grateful for my son though, for insisting on a small cake 🙂 Its not the birthday I wanted to have you know. Im sorry for your loss of Doug, I read your story and you are a strong and brave person. Happy Birthday!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s