Sentiments about this year’s Easter

We are 3 days away from Easter and to be honest, I have dreaded Easter for a couple weeks. Last Easter is when we told Doug’s family that we were expecting. I made Easter baskets for both my nieces and nephew and made them a special shirt to let them know that they would have a new cousin. It was pure joy that day. We were so excited for what was coming. We wanted a baby more than anyone. We thought at that time that this year’s Easter would be very different. But here we sit…3 days away from Easter and visiting our sweet boy’s grave to place a bunny on it. Certainly not something I would have ever anticipated.

20140418-102553.jpg

I always loved Easter growing up. There were Easter egg hunts galore and plenty of Easter baskets coming my way. I looked forward to the day that I could do that with my child/children. I undoubtedly still look forward to that (if one day Doug and I are blessed with an earthly baby) but a part of all holidays will always be different now. Dougie will always be missed particularly on these special days. Even if we have 5 more children, we vow to never forget our first born precious son. We will celebrate him just like we will any of our kids.

As we stood over Dougie’s grave last night, we couldn’t help but to cry. All we could bring ourselves to say was “Happy Easter little buddy”. We placed a bunny and 2 Easter eggs at his head, I patted the ground and we left. Our hearts heavy, tears flowing, we were silent. Doug eventually took my hand, squeezed it tight and told me he loved me. And in that moment, that was all I needed to hear.

20140418-154753.jpg

Dougie’s grave is right underneath a beautiful magnolia tree. When we visited it was blooming the prettiest purple flowers. Purple is my favorite color. I know this was no accident.

3 thoughts on “Sentiments about this year’s Easter

  1. You are in my thoughts so often and definitely this weekend. I know you will be surrounded by love, I hope it helps in some way. Hugs to you, my oldest and sweetest friend.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s