8 month angelversary

8 month angelversary

Yesterday we returned home from spending a week with our family at the beach on Lake Michigan. We had a great time, we were able to relax, lay on the beach, play a few games, spend time with everyone and play with our nieces and nephew which was a blast. However, when we returned home, the reality hit me like a ton of bricks. Little Dougie was supposed to be with us on that trip. There was supposed to be one more little grandkid pestering Grandpa for lap time, one more baby crawling around the house amidst the other kids play time, one more baby crawling through the sand darting for the water. We were supposed to have OUR little baby with us to enjoy his first of many family vacations.

This time last year when planning this vacation, emails shot back and forth about locations, houses, bedrooms etc and everything in between. In one email, my sister-in-law wrote happily that she couldn’t wait for family vacation next year with a new little one in the mix. The reality that he is not here is a sobering one.

We went to visit Dougie on our way back into town. I sat at his grave and cried. I told him we missed him and we all wished he was here.

I was asked the other day if I ever wake up and think “Did this really happen to us, did we really lose our baby?” The response was immediate…

“Everyday”

 

made me a mom